My morning meditations are simply online thoughts for the day. Sometimes they are personal, and at other times they are thoughts from someone who has inspired me. Please contact me if you want to be informed when I write a new meditation, or if you want to suggest ideas for future meditations.
The meditation I am using is yoga nidra, which supports peace and space in our lives. An example of yoga nidra can be found at the spiritual health webpage.
Luck School
I was on a plane recently at midnight, stuck in the middle seat in a row of three, worrying about how I would cope, having to work at 10 the next morning with no sleep. I was a member of a second busload of people to be taken from the chaotic Bali airport terminal to the plane - and another bus was pulling up on the tarmac with the last of the plane’s passengers. While I was worrying, a calm, healthy-looking man with a ponytail of dreadlocks appeared at my side, looked around in a cheeky manner, and sat down on one of the three empty seats on the other side of the aisle to me. My aisle seat hadn’t yet been filled, and neither had the three opposite me. I smiled as I told him I also had my eye on those seats, but that more passengers were about to board the plane. He smiled patiently and told me about Luck School. He suggested I needed to believe that the seats would remain empty. I told him I was good at manifesting parking spots, but not seats on a plane I knew was fully booked.» read more
Dance With Your Dark Shadow
This month's book review discusses Fight Your Dark Shadow: Managing Depression with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. A JOL reader has informed me that my clients might want something more than some of the simple techniques the book describes. I feel that some people could find the book helpful as a quick fix - it describes instant remedies for low mood supported by cute cartoons. However, after thinking about the reader’s comments, I realised that I spend most of my time helping people to embrace their dark shadows, rather than fight them. I sit in my therapy room with clients, helping them to go to places that they don’t know or understand very well. Sometimes they feel very afraid of taking the lid off their feelings or finding places in their hearts they may have never acknowledged, or tell me stories they have previously never dared to say aloud After a Hakomi session or other mind-body work, or by simply telling me their secrets, clients almost invariably feel better. They come to realise that their shadows are part of them, and they do not need to be afraid or feel ashamed. While I was walking through the cemetery with my dogs this morning, I realised that perhaps the book would be better called Embrace Your Dark Shadow, or Dance With Your Dark Shadow. I decided to experiment with embracing my dark shadow while I was walking, and found it very enlivening. I was listening through my earphones to Radio BBC 2 and heard Van Halen's Why Can’t This Be Love? With the rising sun behind me, I was fully in the moment, dancing along a quiet cemetery road, dogs by my side, my arms moving in rhythm with the music as I fully embraced my shadow.» read more
Who leads you?
We all have many parts to us, which can be like personalities that exist inside us. It's like having a family of totally different personalities, except the members live inside us. Some of my clients might well think that when I tell them this, I am trying to encourage them to dissociate. In fact, I am doing the opposite. Most of us are led by childhood characters who are no longer useful in our lives, but we are unaware that they are not really us, and we betray our true selves. We listen to the part of us that criticises us, or tells us to do better, or urges us to work harder, or less hard, or eat more, or eat less, or hide, or talk more. Our parts are there to protect us from feelings that may seem too hard for us to bear, so we adopt behaviours that protect us from knowing our true identities and our integrity. Today's meditation encourages you to focus on connecting with your true integrity - the part of you that knows who you are, what you want, and where you wish to go - without inside or outside influences challenging that. Go for your own truth!» read more
Getting ahead of yourself ...
I have been helping people with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for years - though sometimes I find it difficult to apply this effective psychological approach to my own needs. It isn't always easy to change negative ways of thinking that worked for us - but tend to keep us in our place. Today I realised that the Australian culture tends to support negative thinking. I suggested to a client that he might believe that he was going to play a great game of football on Saturday, and aim to kick eight goals. He was aghast. "That would be getting ahead of myself," he said. I supported his caution, and by the end of the session, we had decided it would be best for him to aim to play hard, always have his eye on the ball, and work for a good result for himself and a win for the team. He will work on doing his best from moment to moment, with an ultimate goal of winning the game. He will focus on health and fitness to create more room for excellent football and life skills. Our society tends to support negative thinking - and calls it being humble. We don't overly criticise people for saying things like "I'm not that good at that" or "I'm having a bad hair day" or "I can't swim to save myself" or any number of small but powerful phrases that can lead to an erosion of self-esteem. But, like my client, we are much less likely to praise ourselves or others for stating goals in a clear and positive way. To say we are going to do well is almost un-Australian.» read more
Safety and Self-Determination
I feel I’ve been to hell and back helping my aged father find a safe place to live. The importance of aged care has jumped into high definition in my life. Now that I’ve personally experienced the difficulties in this area, it seems imperative that we focus on helping our ageing population to receive more attention. Until about a month ago I was an advocate for maximum independence and self-determination for aged individuals - including my father. I nearly wore myself out fighting against the inevitable - that my father needed to be in a high care facility, and in fact, that he would feel more independent and productive in such a facility. It has taken since early December, when he had a fall on a train, for me to understand the concept of maximum independence from a different point of view. As with young children, sometimes self-determination is not a possibility. I have resisted any concept that took away what I considered to be free choice, stating that I would much rather be independent than safely cosseted in cotton wool. I now see that I placed the issues of maximum independence and best quality in the same basket, and they don’t necessarily belong together.» read more
A Lifetime of Love in a Skip Bin
Feng Shui experts, Buddhist monks and housekeeping professionals suggest we reduce the clutter in our lives. I had a direct experience of this recently when my parents’ home was prepared for sale, and I felt that a lifetime of love was placed in a skip bin. Childhood treasures that weren’t really treasures were thrown out, along with objects that had been handed from generation to generation - but never used. I had a lot of trouble letting go of some of my grandmother and great-grandmother’s objects d’art, but my seemingly tougher brother and sister were there to help me along. In my own lifetime, I have gathered too many “treasures” that need to be thrown out. My childhood teddy bear, unwanted gifts, clothes I think might fit me again one day, shoes that cause blisters, old school magazines, toys that my children’s children might want, gardening pots that might come in handy one day, three ladders, and 542 pens. The list goes on. After the clean up, my parents’ home looked amazing - big, clean, and spacious. My father, who had bravely watched and even encouraged the process, said he was surprised by and pleased with the outcome. The clutter was in the bin, along with the memories that went with them. My sister told me that I’d forget that all those precious items existed in a year or two. It’s true. They were just things.» read more
Almost a Conversation
Sometimes I wonder why it's so hard to let go and live life - just let it flow. So often we tend to pull, restrain, control and try so hard to find a way to be happier, more comfortable, wealthier, more organised or healthier. Mary Oliver seems to be close to an answer in her poem Almost a Conversation. She's almost there, but not quite. How do we let go and enjoy the cold, fresh water?» read more
When to Finish What You Start?
I never finish a book that I find boring or unhelpful - to me life is too short. A young friend recently asked me about a very popular self-help book that had been recommended to her. She was finding it hard-going but wanted to persist as she felt she should finish what she’d started. I told her I had found the book too obvious and put it aside. I walk out of films if I feel I'm not going to like them (because of the film itself or sometimes if I dislike my seat and can't get another). I drink my coffee in particular cups, and sip wine from my special glass. Call me fussy if you like, but I have too much else to do than to tolerate discomfort if it’s not necessary. As I write this, it sounds precious and Western. However, one of The Four Agreements (a book by Don Miguel Ruiz) is Always Do Your Best. The meaning of this, in simple terms, is to achieve your personal best, which varies according to your current state of mind, finances and health. I feel that reading the best words possible at any given time, or appreciating beauty, or using my time as well as I can, is part of this edict.» read more
Warm Muffins and Love
I’ve learnt this festive season that we can be very strong in times of intense trauma, and very vulnerable when we least expect it. Warm muffins hit my vulnerable spot. I had been incredibly strong over weeks of dealing with family members, health professionals, and service providers while discussing the plight of my father, whose health has been deteriorating. I felt I presented as strong, knowledgeable and capable, and believed I was making a difference. But early one morning, after sleeping at my father’s home to ensure he was safe after discharge from hospital, I went to the beach. After a beautiful walk and a swim at a beach that was new to me, I found the Voyage Cafe, where I embarked on an emotional journey. The staff were kind, the coffee smelt great, and the muffins were warm. I asked for two, telling the woman behind the counter that one was for me and one for my father. And I burst into tears. It wasn't the hard stuff about the side effects of medication, or obtaining service provision, or arguing for an early discharge that found my heart. It was the thought of my dear frail father, who was once so strong, enjoying an apple and blueberry muffin, bought for him with love. The simple things in life are always the ones that give us the most insight, and touch our souls. Today I ask that you enjoy beauty and simplicity.» read more
Eternal Vigilance
Even therapists get wake up calls. I’ve had several today. My wake up call is to take better care of myself so I can take better care of the clients who are seeking support from me. I strongly felt today that if I do not stay steady, how on earth do my clients have a chance. I know that clients notice every little nuance of the way I present to them, even if it is at an unconscious level. What I say and how I behave is under scrutiny for many reasons. I know I need to be very mindful - and authentic - in all my actions. And how the client responds to me can be a very powerful part of the therapy - as long as I stay vigilant to the process. All our lives are full of challenges and obstacles. The aim for most of us, even if we don’t know it, is to find our true paths had we not been bumped along the way. However, most of us are unaware of the strategies that we developed, often as young children, to avoid the pain from the bumps. We do not know that they are just strategies. We believe that we do not have a choice in how we behave. My job is to help clients see that they have a choice - and hopefully to choose what works for them as adults. The strategies that once worked may no longer be needed, but sometimes we do not know that - and we continue with our old behaviours as if the childhood threat is still out there.» read more
Have the courage to live and love
The word courage has been coming to me a lot today - personal courage despite all odds and challenges. Perhaps it’s because this morning my breathing teacher mentioned the word courage in a little ritual she performed at the end of the practice. First we held our hands in prayer at the chest - the Anahata chakra - in seated warrior pose. We then raised our hands to Ajna (the third eye chakra), where we acknowledged faith, and lowered them to Svadhisthana (the second chakra, representing self-honouring) where we acknowledged courage, and then brought our hands back to Anahata (self-acceptance). We were then asked to take our right hand to the left side to touch the heart area, and acknowledge love. This series of movements is a similar ritual to the Christian blessing, and it felt very sacred as the four of us in the class knelt together in love. Later today I sat with several clients who, for varying reasons, needed courage.» read more
Fierce Light - When Spirit Meets Action
I find it almost impossible to believe that anyone would want to persecute the gentle monks and nuns of Vietnam, but it is happening in the country right now. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, has touched my heart over the years, though I know of him only through what I have read, seen on YouTube, and heard from friends who have met him. Thich Nhat Hanh established the Unified Buddhist Church (Eglise Bouddhique Unifieé) in France in 1969 after he was exiled from his homeland because he refused to take sides in the Vietnam War. In 1982 he established the Plum Village in Bordeaux in the south of France, a monastery for monks and nuns and a mindfulness practice centre for lay people. Thich Nhat Hanh has written many books and travels the world teaching the art of mindful living. Everything I read and hear indicates he is authentic, simple and totally inspirational. He was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King in 1967 for his peace-keeping activities. To me, Thich Nhat Hanh, now 80, has a very gentle nature and a very, very wise soul. About four years ago, the Vietnamese government welcomed Thich Nhat Hanh back to his country. I imagine how special it would have been for him to return to Vietnam after so many years in exile. Vietnamese government and religious officials later invited him to open a Buddhist meditation centre, the Bat Nhat monastery, in Lam Dong province, a beautiful centre built along similar lines to the Plum Village. People flocked to hear the ceremonies conducted by Thich Nhat Hanh to heal the wounds of war and spark hope for a new era of religious freedom. Young people especially wanted to meet at Bat Nhat, where they began to learn to live together in safety and happiness. But, in the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, “this influx sparked fear into the hearts of some people”.» read more
Humming our way to Peace
It’s very difficult to find just the right tool for individuals to use in their battle with anxiety. I try many different approaches to help clients manage the fears that keep them awake at night, that distract them during the day, that lead them to drink alcohol or eat more or less food than they need, and that can cause their hearts to beat faster or their hands to tremor, along with a host of other symptoms. Anxiety can manifest itself in many ways, and is caused by events that can seem small or insignificant. I always take the fears seriously, because underlying any disturbance is a perception of danger that may not be evident to me or even to the client. Often it is only through years of therapy, or hypnotherapy, or mind-body psychotherapy that the true reason for the disturbance emerges. On a more practical level, today I used a few different techniques to help clients. In a funny part of a session, I began to teach a young client the humming bee breath. I usually tell my clients that I would not ask them to do anything that I could not do myself. So I began to teach my client the humming bee breath, which involves placing the thumbs in the ears, the fingers on the head, taking a deep breath and humming, generally beginning with an extended “OM”. Suddenly I realised there was only one person humming in the room and it was me. I was happily humming away while the poor client watched, believing I had asked her to stop. I was a little embarrassed – it’s understandably not the most dignified thing to be practising.» read more
When do fish taste the best?
Today I received an email from a young friend of mine who is living and studying in Broome. She has been feeling under pressure with her studies, managing connections with new people, and worrying about who she was and where she stood in the world. It’s always difficult launching ourselves into new situations. The loss of routine and support can be a challenge and we need to practise mindfulness to stay fully connected with ourselves and our new experiences. My friend felt she was starting to feel herself spiral into depression. However, she attempted to remain open and connected, and today’s email from her indicates she is feeling better. An experience that helped her was a conversation with an Aboriginal man, who simply cut to the real stuff in life. He empathised with her about her concerns, and solved a problem for her by allowing her to delay a deadline. He then calmly changed the conversation to ponder upon a subject of true value. He had taken her on a mud-crabbing expedition the previous week, and raised the idea about which time of the year fish taste the best. Now isn’t that a real question? No matter how much personal development we do, and how well we are able to think our way through difficult situations, our senses and living in the present moment can provide us with true joy in life. In this case, the focus was on the sense of taste, and the time of the year that nature provides the best tasting fish. If only we are able stay with simple concepts, we'd almost certainly enjoy life more fully. We can’t always grow or catch our own food, but getting back to basics can help us to stay with what’s truly important in life. This is living in the moment – to be aware of the seasons, the senses and nature in general. I love the idea of tasting fresh fish and enjoying them in such a way that we know how to tell when fish taste the best. To me, the best tasting fish is the one I catch myself no matter what the season.» read more
The gifts from children
I love the innocence of children. They are so pure. As adults we analyse and think convoluted thoughts that get in the way of our own peace. But most young children see the world as it is, and develop amazing resilience and strategies to help them get through even the most difficult circumstances. This poem reminds me of some of the gifts I gave my own parents - gifts I made, and offered with love and joy. Sometimes parents recognise the intention, and accept the gifts given by their children with gratitude, grace and generous pleasure. Others don't recognise the importance of the innocent gesture, and criticise or are indifferent. Today's meditation is a reminder to all of us to stay with the intention behind the gifts given to us by others, especially by young children. And to appreciate the gift our parents gave us – life. As adults, the rest of it is up to us, hopefully with the loving help of our parents and the people we choose to have in our lives.» read more
Don't take an empty suitcase to Bali
What does Bali mean to most of us? A place in the sun with happy people, good food - especially now that even ice-making is regulated - luxury hotels, lush forests and great beaches. However, another side to Bali is the poverty. On one hand, the village communities are very happy and supportive – even if several people sleep in the same room. I had the privilege of visiting a community in Ubud on my recent trip to Bali, and was impressed by the way that people sat outside their homes in the village centre, busily preparing for the next day’s religious ritual. Everyone seemed to have a job. The men were cooking, the women were preparing offerings, and children and old people were integrally involved. I like the idea of communities where people take care of each other, and children learn about love from other villagers as well as family members. I also saw another side of Bali – children who do not have families or homes because of financial circumstances or other reasons. Bali has more than 60 orphanages. The group of women with whom I travelled took medical supplies and provisions to one of the orphanages, and in exchange received the gift of gratitude and friendship from 17 joyful children who live at the orphanage.» read more
No Regrets
Remorse and regret seem to be common complaints in our society. People are expressing dismay at investments they have made in the past year or so that now seem unwise. They are being forced to put homes they can no longer afford back on the market, or let go of their share portfolios as margin calls come in. But even more significant is when we hold onto regrets from many years ago. We can beat ourselves up over errors we feel may have changed our own lives, or the lives of others, in a negative way. We can cause ourselves great unhappiness simply because we believe we could have done better – when possibly we were doing the best we could at the time. And if we weren’t doing the best we could, all we can do is remind ourselves to do our best in the future.» read more